Scratches
15 Dec 2011 2 Comments
The past and present
walk hand in hand
The things left and went
The present hold them in vain
Amid chaos, the choice we make
Taking past along is present’s mistake.
Que Sera Sera
31 Jul 2011 6 Comments
P.S : The post is dedicated to my most passionate dreams till date – my childhood dreams .
When I was just a little girl
I asked my mother, what will I be
Will I be pretty, will I be rich
Here’s what she said to me…..
My parents say that when I was a kid I wanted to be everything that I observed in my vicinity and that pleased my heart (just like every other child). All that I remember from my memory are few catchy professions that were in the hit list of my dreams. I wanted to be a truck driver back there in 1st standard, I use to love the trucks and tractors as they were big and spacious. Then as I grew up ‘A for Aeroplane’ looked more catchy than any other road vehicle and thus I wanted to be a pilot. We kids use to run out of our home or classrooms to see whenever we heard a plane or a helicopter roaring in the wide sky. Soon, a little more understanding of this world made me realized it is not the pilot but the airhostess that makes everyone travel in the plane. And soon my daydreams shifted from being a pilot to airhostess. But then I was from a very little town where airhostesses were not considered as respectable as any other normal job. My convent teacher used to get more respect than the brave and beautiful airhostess that used to come in promotional advertisements of various airlines. And so I wanted to be a teacher. This was the profession for which I really dreamt a lot, not just dreamt but I practiced too with my instant ‘be-a-teacher’ kit, I used to wear high heels of my elder sis, wrap her long colourful duppattas around my waist and other accessories like wooden scale, chalks, a cloth as a duster and a door on which I could scribble, I used to spend hours teaching virtual students in an empty living room or my dad. The irony is that I loved this profession even when I didn’t love the very thought of going to school . From standard L.K.G to 2nd I have bunked as much school as I can, I use to run away from the school gate and wander on streets and get back to home when a whole bunch of vehicles (especially autos) on the road headed in the direction of my school. My dad used to be my favorite and most tortured student. He used to allow me to practice all kinds of evil practises that I saw my teachers doing in the school, like hitting hard on his hand with wooden scale, make him read whatever I wrote on the board (used to be the door of mom-dad’s bedroom) not once but again and again and cunningly find where he is wrong etc . It was in 6th standard when I realized my habit of not sharing the thoughts with anyone when it comes about the dark or gloomy part of my brain . I started writing diary. I have 6 diaries of my childhood and believe me, my reasons of sadness in those days serve as a potential source of humour to anyone, at anytime :/ 
Since then I keep on scribbling depending on the mood and the inspiration.
As years passed, I grew up and got to know that there exist better jobs than playing in playground or teasing my siblings. I saw this famous movie ‘Titanic’, had no clue by then why people made a hype about beautiful Kate Winslet and her famous bold scene ‘cause I watched it with my family on Star Gold and thus all the unwanted scenes were deleted from it. :/ Anyway, the post effects of Titanic were two more passions in my life. I wanted to join Navy but then this thought didn’t last for long as I I also wanted to become a painter, someone who could bring every thought of his mind on canvas with beautiful colors. Thanks to this new likeness that I actively participated in various drawing competitions that used to happen in my town every other weekend for social causes or by public welfare organisations. I have memories printed in newspapers and mind of the same . ^_^
Time rolled on, my elder brother and mischief buddy got into 11th and me in 9th. That day, his class teacher and my dad had serious discussion in parent teacher discussion, they were discussing how our society is governed by prejudices about class of professions and thus majority end up choosing the same direction viz Engineers, Lawyers and Doctors. He had chosen maths out of three life deciding options. And all of sudden I felt really that a very tough and important decision is going to meet me soon. Then I and my dad mutually decided that I wish to become a Doctor (No pun intended). Yes, I so whole heartedly wanted to be a doctor, someone who treats everyone and has a power to cure which is Godly, someone who can read the heartbeats and someone who gets a lot of presents and accessories from the various companies every day. 
Life became a lot simple and focused then, till I passed my high school. But then my brother didn’t let me take Biology and asked me to take maths and sooner than it seemed, life turned around. The girl who use to curse cubic equations and its interruption in my peace of mind, finally set the same as her major arena of interest. Soon, I landed in the best engineering college of the country, that is a neighbour to the best medical college too. :/
Over here , after crossing so many laps of various phases and faces of life when I saw IIT as my ending point and desired destination, I found myself again on the starting point . There is hardly any difference in my thinking and clarity of aims now when compared to my school time. I would still love to become a truck driver , a painter, a pilot or a teacher but then now approach has changed . It was a lot more simpler to believe that dreams can be brought to reality, which is not the present case. People call it wisdom and maturity, I call it vagueness and confusion.
I study books which teach me engineering but I love management and operations more than it . I love music more than management but then I love writing more than music. At times, I feel the existence of the ‘power of youth’ in me and I get inclined for bringing a change in the system and thus civil services is what I look for but then I think about creativity and creations, and thus the loop is set back to engineering .
May be I am way behind the ones who are of my age, when I say that for me the question asked me ‘Surf Excel’ advertisement is still unanswered, i.e mujhe ban na hai _________?, but then that is the reality.
Que Sera, Sera,
Whatever will be, will be
The future’s not ours, to see
Que Sera, Sera
What will be, will be.
Childhood dreams were the most passionate ones as there were no worries and doubts about achieving them when thought, there existed just two things – faith and imagination, it was as simple as ‘Dream it, achieve it’. Hoping that self exploration will come to an end soon and will show me what actually I love and what is my purpose in the crowd.
P.S :1) ‘Que Sera Sera’ is a Spanish phrase which means ’What to be to be’.
2) ‘Que Sera Sera’ is a beautiful song sung by Doris Day.
3) The first P.S was meant for Pre Script. Yes ,I know it is silly but then I had no other choice but do it.
Entangled
22 Jun 2011 7 Comments
There is happiness
There is pain
There is Love
There is ‘how’ and ‘when ?’
There is I
There is you
The lost is ‘We’
and so is the glee
Amid the shadows all around,
Will the fine sunny day touch the crown;
and ask – ‘Wanna come for an ice-cream, franky?
The mystic feeling.
09 Apr 2011 2 Comments
The crowd howled in chorus as the curtain opened up to showcase the most awaited dance performance by our college’s prominent dance group. A troupe of 12 people dressed alike with perfect co-ordination followed one stud dancer in the middle of the group who was outstanding in the whole group. I was busy gaping at their flawless performance when my gaze stuck at a girl sitting diagonally in a row just in front of my seat. She was constantly looking at the right most corner of the stage . In a moment or two I realised that her beau is one among those 12 and is positioned in the back row at right corner of the stage.
I smiled as I saw her mystic smile. Her love filled gaze accompanied by a soft grin made me stare her more. {Oh C’mon! Stop doubting my orientation. Its just the reason behind her expressions that hold my attention for a while. Thats it.:P } Her eyes dilated at different moments of the dance performance. Fingers of her hands were entwined together, her ‘lost-in-you’ expression made me feel the tinge of the charm for a while that she was sensing every second. I could read the every bit of the beauty of her love for him on her face, in her expressions.
Her expressions triggered my thoughts/beliefs about what you call – LOVE. Don’t know from where to start or where to end about it. I am simply pouring down whatever comes in my mind whenever I think about it/or feel it.
Love doesn’t set the boundaries to restrict your actions/freedom but yeah it itself is kind of beautiful trap charmed with a spell. The spell keeps you charged up for whole day and night, something that inspires you to grow and prosper, to be positive about life and yourself. It introduces to you with new horizons of aims and fun. Its the inspiration and a reason of celebrating little moments of day-to-day life. It is not a burden of responsibility of a person in your life, instead it is the source of inner ecstasy when you share, when you do something for the other. It is insanity for good, its innocent, it is wild, it is full of unexpected possibilities, it is exploring ourselves. It is most trustworthy Anti Aging drug. It is attaching ourselves to the lyrics of our favourite track amid the chaos of the crowd. It is ….ummm…chuck it!!! ^-^
Love is about living such little moments with a charm. I want to feel this charisma for like whole through out my life. May be this is just a fairy tale imagination that I fantazise as a young lady . I don care about it being equivalent to miracle as it does happens and thats what is the significance of its existence. And magnetic sense/imagination of falling in love is what keeps me disinterested in its distorted forms and await for it to happen in the best possible (genuine) way (and that is what turns me romantic at times which leads to such write ups:P:P ). For me its a drug strong enough to keep me intoxicated for whole through out my life. Apparently, I am not unaware with the fact that nothing is forever. So definitely relations may not be for forever but their essence can. I started just to describe her experession but got diverted and jumped on my ideologies about feelings.I can write endlessly over it – the dark and the bright sides of love, the eerie shade of it, the beautiful it and yet would fail to give the exact description about it. I stop my pen here.
P.S : 1) If you are in love, I wish I could see your expression while reading this.
2) If you are totally out of it, I am sorry for making you read something so cheesy.
3) *Bow* for Anna Hazare
The colors hidden in black.
07 Mar 2011 4 Comments
As I close my eyes
The shine of the world turns into black
The fake smiles are lost
My heart beats are left – all across.
Every season looks the same
Fame – name – the life game
Life is simpler when
lost in black
As I close my eyes
I see the blackness
The color of your eye
I see your smile
The scent of your breathe
I can sense it from miles
As I close my eyes
I see the past of mine
The one with golden shine
I search for you
The wetness is all I find.
As I close my eyes
I see the hopeful gleam
The expectations they dream
I see their faith – to which I bound.
The care and love they wrap me around.
With that ‘responsibility’ of love
I scream in black.
As I close my eyes
The sight is black
Sounds whack.
Imaginations dissolve
Plans evolve.
Dreams meet desires
Black makes it a fire.
As I close my eyes
I wish I could just
sleep in your arms
without any alarms.
The bright dreams
is all I see when I see black.
As I close my eyes
I see a girl – full of surprise
As carefree as the clouds in the sky
With the wings of faith and hope, higher she fly
As youthful as the rays of the sunrise
speaking via the shine in her eyes
As mysterious as the universe wide
the stories and emotions she always hide.
As loud as the chirping birds
the silence at times takes her away from the herd
I searched for a picture to describe her right
the black is the perfect one to fit in all the colors so bright.
And the mistake was mine…
12 Feb 2011 9 Comments
P.S : Dedicated to my teenage love : [ 
], this poem was written long back.
Miss You – Excursion#2
24 Jan 2011 3 Comments
Street : A random road behind SDA .
Pre-Script : Click the link below to understand the following ‘feel-o-suffer ‘s ‘ stuff… 
http://surabhi007.wordpress.com/2011/01/21/lyrics-of-life-on-roadside/
Walking on an unknown street – Very less crowded in comparison to the streets of Delhi in a winter afternoon is indeed pleasurable.
The following is an excerpt of what all was going in my 150 pounds complicated gift by GOD . Its neither a poem nor a story : its a prose – A very simple prose written in one go without rereading and editing .
Fine day it was
You woke me up
And took me in your arms from my quilt
Kissed my forehead – in an usual way
I least bothered
N closed my eyes to complete my sleep in your embrace
Hours passed:
Mom dressed me like a queen
Made my hair do beautifully
And gave my hands in yours .
Sure footed about the grip of your hands
My small steps marched with that of yours.
World’s best ride it use to be
You on your bike and
Me wrapping all my hands around your waist
Holding tight
With your trustworthy wings
I let air caresse my face and fly
Reached the sad and tall building
Colourful crowd it was
Many like you and me were there
I was busy watching them
When you bent down
and took my chubby cheeks in your palms
You kissed my forhead – in an unusal way
And took a step back
I gazed
You said softly –
“its time for you stay out of home sweetheart .
See you in a while.”
The thought of getting away from him
Alone in the crowd –the unknown crowd
made my world tremble
I ran and clung on your legs
When you raised your eyebrows and
Looked into my eyes
My voice cracked “Take me Home Dad!”
You hugged me tight
Made my heavy heart a bit light
Bribed me with a chocolate
Promised me that the sepration
Is for a while
It was when my overfilled wet eyes
Were about to flood
When you wiped the tears
Even before they touched my cheeks
“You are my bold little princess, aint you?
“Oh yes! I am” – I chuckled.
“So go and win this first day without mum and me
Away from home for me” You asked with glowing eyes.
“I’ll” I hugged you tight
And bid you good bye with wet eyes adored with smile.
Years later
Here I stand
Far away from mum and you
Among kiths very few
As I close my eyes
I see the your encouraging smile
Your glowing hopeful eyes – there at miles.
My heart still cheers aloud
“Oh yes! I can do it .
I will this battle for you dad.”
Nothing in this chaotic world but just a feeling of being your part makes me feel uniquely proud. Miss you.
Take me Home Dad!
P.S – 1) Song of the day – Fifteen – Taylor Swift.
2) Over dose of emotions is turning me emotionless. Blaaaaaaah!
3) Some situations leaves you to no where but to a state of being helpless. I guess such are the ones which are tagged as the ‘worst’ ones. :|
4) Exams on head so I guess there will be less excursions.
Your Words!